I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
