you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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