She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize