I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
