Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
