I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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