I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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