I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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