I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
