She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
