Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
