I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
