I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
