i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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