i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
