i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
