I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
too bad you live with your parents still
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
