Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
