You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
