If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
