if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
