we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize