I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The adults are the big ones right?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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