its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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