I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
