who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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