Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
