If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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