if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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