only if we run a train.
done.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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