My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
