bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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