Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
