So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
