How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
