last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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