Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
