Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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