in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
