He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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