just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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