it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
