Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize