By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
