I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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