I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
