the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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