There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
