i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
