Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize