He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
