I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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