we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
