I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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