What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
