Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
