I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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