very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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