it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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