I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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