WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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