Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize