I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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