great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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