fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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