I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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