theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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