Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
two words: eviction party
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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