I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
love makes seman taste better
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
