If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
