the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize