I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
