Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
