Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
