I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
