It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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